Sunday, 13 November 2011


Reason why Mondays aren't the greatest day of the week: -
1) Traffic queues always seem to be so long that even the pedestrians end up being twenty minutes late.
2) Being two minutes late to the pub makes you miss food being served even if you've known the owner and manager for more than a decade.
3) Death threats seem to be much more forth coming from strangers.
4) Random outbursts if violence from strangers seem much more likely and twice as frequent as death threats.
5) Urban areas seem to be transformed into areas of guerilla warfare.
6) Concentration seems to be negatively impacted by all of the above.

     Well okay the fifth one suits me just fine – especially as it seems to provide a welcome distraction for the police force and a certain highly irritating sergeant! For some reason following me about the city seems to go hand in hand with promotion in the police.
     If the correlation between time spent with me and speed of promotion was charted and distributed as a training publication then I'm sure many more people would soon be gracing the dizzing heights of detective-hood.
     However number 6 is a bit of a problem – especially when 3 and 4 are an everyday occurrence anyway that just seems to be amplified by the fact that it's Monday.
     Monday's are also historically a slow day for business – something that battling for survival out on the streets of the city makes either the phone lines act up or people less likely to call.
     Odd really, a slightly psychotic P.I. makes an extremely good bodyguard against commuter warfare. Still, can't expect the ordinary man of extremely limited intelligence to realize such an obvious fact. He also is highly unlikely to be able to afford the bodyguard service as I do like to consider my life is worth a fair amount of money. That and bodyguard work is highly boring.